I want to talk about my miscarriage

Yesterday Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, announced that he and his wife are expecting a baby, and revealed that they had suffered three miscarriages in the last couple of years.

This has made headlines all over the world, but I first came across this news because a friend of mine on Facebook had liked an article on this called ‘why we should talk about miscarriage’. It talked about how Mark Zuckerberg’s post highlighted the ‘taboo’ around miscarriage and called for more people to discuss the issue, rather than going through it alone.

This is all very true. It seems so silly that such a hugely emotional experience should be something that we have to hide away. But even on reading this, I wasn’t sure whether by liking or sharing the post I would be outing myself as someone who had suffered a miscarriage. That’s certainly what I wondered about my friend who had liked it in the first place.

There is a small group in my inner circle who we have told about our miscarriage and our efforts trying to get pregnant, but there are still a lot of family and close friends who have no idea what we’ve gone through this year. Why are we keeping it a secret?

I guess for the same reason that I write this blog anonymously and haven’t told anyone besides my husband that I have started it. I’m not ready for everyone to know that all I really want in life is a baby, and I’m not ready for everyone to make assumptions every time I don’t drink a glass of wine, put on a bit of weight or go to the doctor.

However, in spite of that, there are times when I really long for someone to ask me how I’m doing, post-miscarriage. For some reason I feel like it’s not the kind of thing I should bring up. I don’t want to be a downer, and I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable, but sometimes I just wish I could talk about it, and say yeah actually it’s still tough, and it’s frustrating.

I feel like it’s not something I should say publicly until we’ve succeeded. But maybe we should just bite the bullet and be honest about our experience; if it helps anyone else feel like they are not on their own then that can’t be a bad thing.

You can read Mark Zuckerberg’s full post here.

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